Whether we want to admit it or not, we know when a relationship has ended but the fear of failure encourages us to hold on. An ended relationship is a loss therefore, it does hurt. Often times, we actually have control over the amount of suffering we endure; we just don't realize it. Think about this: Have you ever actually sat back and thought about the events that led to the breakup? Think about what ultimately caused the relationship to end? Then evaluate which party has lost the most; you or the other party?
Everyone plays a role in the relationship so we definitely must accept accountability our actions an how they could have contributed to the failure of the relationship but that doesn't mean that just because the relationship ended it has to be a bad thing. I know what you're probably thinking but just here me out.
All relationships are not meant to work. I know that you've heard that before so I want you to see it from an explained point of view. I really don't see it as simply the relationship was designed to teach you a lesson. It's way more to it then that. Sometimes compatibility is the main factor. If you don't share the same goals or like the same things, those are concerns that can become problems. Even though you may be attracted to the person physically, if there's no connection beyond that (emotional, spiritual), 9 times out of 10, the relationship won't work. Relationships require some type of commitment even if you are not married and can add positive things to our lives but, they can subtract from us if we're not careful.
I'll start with the things that we lose in a relationship. It's true, we lose parts of ourselves in a relationship. We lose who we are as an individual because we tailor our lives to fit the person that we are in the relationship with. After doing that for so long, if that relationship doesn't work, we feel as if we've failed and wasted too much time. I mean we've spent countless amounts of time and energy investing in this relationship because we did want it to work. But in the process pieces of who we are as an individual is slowly being pushed into the darkness, soon to be forgotten. Now that you're aware, don't let it happen; make sure to remember that your individual self is still there and still the the most important person in your life. That's were self-love comes in. You must take care of yourself in addition to maintaining your relationship. That way if or when you need to go back to being an individual, it won't be so hard to bounce back. You'll be ok with doing things alone and comfortable with who you are; it'll be hard to get any bs past you. But if you're not diligent, the more you become less of an individual, it becomes easier for you to turn a blind eye to things that cause us discomfort. Before you know it you're in so deep you can't see a way out.